Thoughts

Sometimes I wish I didn't think. Actually wish I couldn't think. The thoughts that run through my head sometimes literally make me ill. It's not even like I have to put any effort into thinking this way, they're just there. Without any reason, without any cause and without a doubt they control my day.

Today isn't going to be a good day. I already know, because the thoughts have made their debut. It will be a long day, it always is when this happens. Long and torturing. Tormenting every minute. It's hard for me to concentrate on work, hard for me to think anything other than these thoughts. I wish that I had an On/Off button for my mind.... this would be one time that the switch would be switched down.

I just wish that there was someone who could understand why these thoughts appear out of nowhere. He trys. He trys so hard, but most of the time he's involved with these thoughts so needless to say it's hurtful to him. I hate that the most out of anything. Hurting him. I could deal with hurt just fine, it's been a way of life for me for so long but I cannot stand the fact that I hurt the person I love the most in this world.

I just want the thoughts to stop.