Only Two Items On My List

I'd like to think of myself as a bargin shopper, however there's no use in going to the store with only two items on your list. A little word from the wise.

Today towards the end of my work day I decided that I would stop by Family Dollar on the way home to pick up a "few" things (few, meaning 2 items). Now why on Earth I would think I could go to Family Dollar and really only leave with 2 items is beyond me. I had Lysol wipes and brillo pads on my list, that's right.... it's an exciting life I lead.

Of course to get to the isle where these items are I have to pass through clothing. I see the cutest little dress for Faith and it's only $10. Next thing I knew, it just jumped right in the buggy. Next through the men's apparrel. Of couse I want my honey to look dashing so I pick up a nice blue (NOT "baby blue" grrrr.) shirt for him. At $7.99 who could resist? Another item that jumped into my possession. I did grab the 2 items on my list which meant my goal had been accomplished. Wrong. How could I not do a complete walk through this store seeing that I had already had two great deals scream my name?? So, I did. Don't even ask what made it into my buggy when I walked through the "Home Decor" isles. Let's just say my "Chinese" theme in our computer room has now been completed. Then the visions started to appear.

Joel had mentioned about looking for a loveseat to put back in the computer room so when he was able to download movies onto the computer (legally, of course) we could have a comfy spot to do our couch snuggle. I had a vision. While making my way across this wonderful landscape called Family Dollar, I had found furniture covers. Cheap and very colorful. What more could a girl ask for?

I called him.

"Whatcha doin baby" (me). "Oh nothin, just sat down to watch my Star Trek" (him). "Oh" (me). "Why, what's up? Where are you? Are you coming home soon?" (him). "Yeah, I just had to pick up a few things at Family Dollar but I'll be home shortly. Ummm, you'll never believe what awesome Chinese stuff they've gotten in since the last time I was here!" (me, with excitement). "Oh yeah? Pretty nice stuff, eh?" (him). "Awesome stuff. So ummmm, I thought maybe I'd pick it up before they sold it all." (me). "Oh ok baby. (laughs) Well come home soon so we can watch our movie" (him). "Well ummmm, I was just thinking.... remember how the other day you mentioned it would be really cool to see about getting a loveseat for the computer room so we could watch movies back there?" (me, in the sweetest softest voice I could do). "Yeah?" (him). "Well, I was thinking we could run over this evening and see if maybe Goodwill has anything? I mean if they do then we should pick it up cuz it might go pretty quick. What do you think?" (me, still carrying that soft sweet voice). "Oh baby, not tonight. I really don't wanna go out but we could do it Thursday" (him). "Oh, well ok. Or maybe we'll just wait till the weekend." (me, trying to sound decievingly disappointed). "Sounds good baby. Well, are you coming home now?" (him) "Yeah, I'm gettin ready to check out here in a few. I'll see you in a bit. I love you." (me, with a dramatic sigh). "I love you too baby, be careful" (him).

I head up to checkout with my buggy overflowing. Reminding you that I walked into this store with two, yes 2, items on my list. I never understand how I can spend so much at Family Dollar. It's more addicting then ice cream (which I hate). With packages loaded, I sit in the drivers seat and grin. I'm thinking here. Grinning always helps my thoughts. Eh, not always but when it comes to decorating and bargins.... I grin a lot. I look down at the gas gauage and it's almost empty. Family Dollar is right next to a perfectly fine gas station, but I'm thinking Sheetz for gasoline. Besides it's right next to the Goodwill. Grinning again.

Needless to say, not only did I find great stuff at Family Dollar but I brought home a loveseat that I purchased at the Goodwill for $24.99!!!! With that furniture throw from Family Dollar we'll be sporting sleek, yet cheap, decor.

Never let it be said that shopping can't be fun!

I am so excited tonight. It's been a great day. The work day seemed to go on FOREVER, but I did get good news after work.

I finally had the oppurtunity to call my insurance company to see if they cover the WLS.

THEY DO!!!! WHIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm so excited it's hard to contain. I know that I'll have to go through hurdles to get this, but this is much further than I got the last time. I emailed Sylvia at the clinic to let her know it's covered. I cannot wait to get her reaction.

Actually the coverage is pretty good. I pay the first $400 then after that I pay 20% only up to $4000 then after that they'll pay 100%. So if you think about it, the most this $30,000 surgery is gonna cost me will be $4400. I'd get a second job to pay $4400 to be skinny! HELL YEAH!!!!

Ok, I'm gonna go check out all the skinny people on the WLS website.... hopefully my picture will be up there one day!!!! Just think.... I'll be comfortable enough to actually get my picture taken!!!

Thoughts

Sometimes I wish I didn't think. Actually wish I couldn't think. The thoughts that run through my head sometimes literally make me ill. It's not even like I have to put any effort into thinking this way, they're just there. Without any reason, without any cause and without a doubt they control my day.

Today isn't going to be a good day. I already know, because the thoughts have made their debut. It will be a long day, it always is when this happens. Long and torturing. Tormenting every minute. It's hard for me to concentrate on work, hard for me to think anything other than these thoughts. I wish that I had an On/Off button for my mind.... this would be one time that the switch would be switched down.

I just wish that there was someone who could understand why these thoughts appear out of nowhere. He trys. He trys so hard, but most of the time he's involved with these thoughts so needless to say it's hurtful to him. I hate that the most out of anything. Hurting him. I could deal with hurt just fine, it's been a way of life for me for so long but I cannot stand the fact that I hurt the person I love the most in this world.

I just want the thoughts to stop.

The phone rang....

I had to blog about this as my excitement is too much to just sit here for the remaining part of the day without somehow telling it. Needless to say, it's nothing I feel need to be any of my co-workers business.

I finally got a promising call from a physician's office about the WLS. I'm excited. Trying not to get too excited but cannot contain it. She was very nice and invited Joel and I to attend a seminar. Said that it's actually a requirement before anything. First things first, I have to contact my insurance company to see if they cover WLS. God, I hope so. I meant to ask her if they have some kind of payment plan for those of whom cannot get the surgery approved through insurance. Surprisingly, upon my search I was able to find a few doctors that do provide payment plans for those of whom cannot get it through an insurance company. She was very very nice and is sending me more info. Said that the local hotel even gives discounts for those of whom come into town to attend his seminar. That would be nice. Joel and I out of town for a night. Alone and hangin at the hotel with NO computer!!! Woo Hoo!!! Oh yes, and of course the seminar. OOOOOO I'm getting too excited, gotta stop thinking about it.

Will update on this when I find out more!

My Thoughts Exactly

Pajama Weekend

Well, I've made a decision.

It's 8:48am on Saturday, I've been up since 6:30am. Not by choice. Shiloh decides that when she wants to go out, that's it. She barks until you get up to let her out. I do this. Throw her out and lock the door. Maybe she'll run away. Kidding. I try to go back to bed, but I can't keep my mind from thinking what all I could be doing instead of just laying there with my eyes open. Shiloh starts barking, as she is now. Stupid dog. So I get out of bed and let her in, feed her and try the sleep thing again. Nope. Not happening.

So I get up, 6:30am remind you, and stumble to the coffee pot muttering under my breath how I was an idiot to want a dog and remembering the peaceful mornings when I wasn't awoken by barking and whining. Those were the days. Good Lord I hope she grows out of that. As spoken by my wonderful spousel subject.... "Maybe we're just not animal people."

I'm awake and as I explained a million things are running through my head of what I could be doing instead of laying there in the bed with my eyes open. There's no waking Joel, he's oblivious to the awaken world.

I've now been awake almost 2 1/2 hours. Wanna know what I've gotten accomplished?

1.) Threw the mutt out (several times)
2.) Fed the mutt
3.) Made coffee
4.) Downloaded 3 songs
5.) Started the washing machine (rewashing clothes that have been in there a week that completely forgot about. That's not a goal accomplished, just so you know.)
6.) Got Faith outta bed and sat her in front of the cartoon Saturday ganza (more specifically that little Spanish speaking hussie, Dora and her incest cousin Diego. I swear if "Hola" is the first word out of my daughters mouth......)
7.) This blog entry

Now, not exactly something to brag about accomplishing when you go back Monday morning and talk about your weekend and tell the girls you were up at 6:30 Saturday morning. I mean I should have conquered world hunger or something, ya know?

My decision? I'm staying in pajama's all weekend. If I have to go out there better be a drive-thru for wherever I go cuz I ain't putting on no street clothes. Granted, I'll shower... change out of my dirty pajama's and put on clean pajama's but there's definitly gonna be a pajama party happenin up in here!

I'm done.

How Love Keeps You Healthy

It doesn't just make you feel good — it can fight disease, boost immunity, and lower stress.
By Sarah Mahoney, Prevention magazine


Who doesn't love being in love? A true Valentine listens to you vent about work, lets you have that last slice of pizza, and (usually) remembers to take out the trash. He doesn't expect you to watch the Super Bowl. And he always thinks you're sexy, even in thermal underwear and bunny slippers.

Scientists have long been keen to prove that love gives us health benefits, too—beyond the obvious advantage of always having a date for New Year's Eve. Researchers can't say for sure that romance trumps an affectionate family or warm friendships when it comes to wellness. But they are homing in on how sex, kinship, and caring all seem to make us stronger, with health gains that range from faster healing and better control over chronic illnesses to living longer.

The benefits of love are explicit and measurable:
A study last year from the University of Pittsburgh found that women in good marriages have a much lower risk of cardiovascular disease than those in high-stress relationships.The National Longitudinal Mortality Study, which has been tracking more than a million subjects since 1979, shows that married people live longer, have fewer heart attacks and lower cancer rates, and even get pneumonia less frequently than singles. And a new study from the University of Iowa found that ovarian cancer patients with a strong sense of connection to others and satisfying relationships had more vigorous "natural killer" cell activity at the site of the tumor than those who didn't have those social ties. (These desirable white blood cells kill cancerous cells as part of the body's immune system.)

Some experts think it won't be long before doctors prescribe steamy sex, romantic getaways, and caring communication in addition to low-cholesterol diets and plenty of rest. If that sounds like a happy Rx, here are ways to make the emerging evidence translate into real-life advice.

The Benefits of Bear Hugs
Doctors at the University of North Carolina have found that hugging may dramatically lower blood pressure and boost blood levels of oxytocin, a relaxing hormone that plays a key role in labor, breastfeeding, and orgasms.

Researchers asked couples to sit close to one another and talk for 10 minutes, then share a long hug; afterward they found positive, albeit small, changes in both blood pressure and oxytocin.
But the power of frequent daily hugging was intense: The women with the highest oxytocin levels had systolic blood pressure that was 10 mm/Hg lower than women with low oxytocin levels—an improvement similar to the effect of many leading blood pressure medications, says Kathleen Light, PhD, a professor of psychiatry at UNC and one of the study's authors.
"Getting more daily hugs from their husbands was related to higher oxytocin, and so the hugs were indirectly related to lower blood pressure," she says. Men didn't get the blood pressure benefit from hugging. But don't feel bad for him: He probably gets the same health gains from steady sex that you do from daily snuggling.

A 2002 study from the University of Bristol in England found that men who had sex two or more times a week cut their risk of having a fatal heart attack in half. And a recent study from the National Cancer Institute found that men who ejaculate frequently may be protecting themselves against prostate cancer.

The hormone oxytocin has been linked to trust, and it helps women bond with everyone from newborns to stockbrokers. But its biggest benefit may turn out to be physical. Breastfeeding has been definitively linked to both lower breast cancer rates and the slower growth of some breast cancer cells; researchers speculate that oxytocin may be responsible.

"It is safe to say that oxytocin is linked to emotional as well as physical closeness in partners," Light says. "And while the healing power of this connection is not yet proven, we think it will be soon."

Oxytocin also surges through the bodies of men and women during orgasm. But whether sex itself directly improves women's health is still not certain. One of the most concrete connections comes from a study by Carl J. Charnetski, PhD, a professor of psychology at Wilkes University and coauthor of Feeling Good Is Good for You.

In 2004, he measured the immune function of 112 college students, many of whom were in close, loving relationships. Those who had sex with their partner once or twice a week had significantly higher amounts of immunoglobulin A, an antibody that is the body's first line of defense in fighting off disease and infections, than those who had sex less than once a week or not at all.

Although making sure you have weekly sex is great health advice, more isn't necessarily better. Charnetski was surprised to discover that the immune systems of those who had sex three or more times a week were no better off than the no-sex-at-all group. Maybe, he theorizes, "couples who have sex just once a week are simply in healthier, more secure relationships, and have nothing to prove."Though researchers have yet to link orgasms from masturbation to any measurable physiological gains for women, it's clear that women perceive instant health benefits.
Carol Rinkleib Ellison, PhD, a marriage counselor and sex researcher in Oakland, CA, and author of Women's Sexualities, surveyed 2,632 women from their teens to their 90s and found that two-thirds had masturbated in the previous month. Although most cited the obvious ("because it feels good"), many also gave specific health-related reasons for double-clicking their own mouse—39% said it relaxed them, 32% said it helped them sleep, and 9% said it eased menstrual cramps.

Steady sex may also make women healthier by making relationships happier: When couples are content with their sexual status quo, they've eliminated a big—and extremely stressful—area of conflict. While sex is hardly the only (or even the best) measure of how happy a couple is, it is a kind of romantic superglue.

Researchers from the University of Sheffield in England interviewed 28 participants who had been married at least 20 years and found that a consistent sex life continued to be important throughout marriage.

"The majority of our participants felt that sex granted their marriage a way to express love, commitment, and trust," says Sharron Hinchliff, PhD, a psychologist researcher and author of the study. And when circumstances—a health problem or scheduling change, for instance—made it more difficult for these couples to have sex, they found a way to adapt their sex lives quickly so that they barely noticed the upheaval.

Why We Need to Feel Close
Experts are quick to point out that sex is only one aspect of connection, and not as powerful as the real magic in relationships: bonding. That sense of being united, even during bad times, is a trait that Brian Baker, a psychiatrist at the University of Toronto, calls cohesion. And his research has found that it's more important to both health and happiness than a good sex life.
In one study, he tracked 229 adults who were under job strain. Though they had higher blood pressure at the start, spouses in pleasurable marriages actually lowered systolic blood pressure by 2.5 mm/Hg over a 12-month period.

What's more, Baker says, happy couples seem to know almost instinctively that doing things together and spending more time with each other adds to their happiness. It's not that sex didn't matter to these couples. "It's one component of satisfaction," he says. "But couples who had less sex didn't seem to have any less sense of cohesion, and it was their emotional collaboration—their partnership—that kept the marriage strong."

Maybe, Ellison says, that bond is the brass ring of marriage, enabling us to build a safe cocoon in a world full of difficult bosses, too much traffic, and not enough time. "An ideal relationship gives you a place to come home and recharge your battery. Sitting down with your partner makes you feel calmer. You're in a secure nest, and you're less stressed," she says. "How could that not be good for you?"

The Love Rx
Granted, sharing a bond of closeness with your sweetheart feels magical. But a relationship can seem more like a bed of thorns than roses when he's criticizing you over the morning coffee. With the exception of Marge Simpson, most women outgrow the idea that they can change men.
But that doesn't mean relationships can't change; couples can learn to fight sweeter, replacing hostile comments with less judgmental ones. "Conflict itself is normal," says Baker, "and it's healthy—it engages couples in the relationship."

But there is a difference between healthy fighting and fighting that wears down your immunity. Studies from the University of Washington show that happy couples manage to be far more positive than negative when they're duking it out, interjecting playful jokes and affectionate pokes in the ribs.

In contrast, the I'm-ready-to-break-some-dishes-now anger that comes with fighting causes physiological changes that John Gottman, PhD, executive director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, calls "flooding"; these leave heart rates too high for the couple to come to any effective solution.Researchers believe that warm interactions between couples can bring about powerful health results, even when one of the partners is battling disease. At the Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia, Sharon Manne, PhD, studied couples struggling with the wife's breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Some couples were coached to be more supportive; others muddled through on their own.

The wives in the coached group fared better, as measured by their levels of distress and depression. And while Manne's own research has focused solely on cancer, she thinks couples can use any stressful period to find a friendlier footing.

What worked best?
"When partners learned to minimize negative comments and were responsive, and when they were willing to share their own concerns and worries, rather than pretending nothing was wrong...that can make a bad marriage good, or a good marriage even better," says Manne.
In fact, the physiological findings from love research have inspired even the skeptics to change the way they look at relationships—in the lab and at home.

"My husband is an immunologist, and when we started our research, he'd be the first to admit that he thought the psychology part of this was a crock," says Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, director of health psychology at Ohio State University's College of Medicine. "Now, he's seen what stress can do in bad relationships, and also how a good relationship can protect people from outside stresses—like work."

And it's made the two treasure the time they have to bond. "One of the things we like to do after dinner is to sit with a glass of wine, looking out over the Scioto River. It's clear to us that close relationships are incredibly helpful to our health and well-being."

Provided by Prevention

Awww

My honey sent me flowers today. After boycotting V Day and all and having a "discussion" about it all I made a funny and told him that he could make it up to me if he showed up at my job wearing only a diaper, sporting some wings and carrying a bow and heart arrow. Well... I got flowers. LOL. The card said "I couldn't show up in a diaper". Cute and so sweet.

Poor thing has had such a hard week. His job is killing him. Well, more like his clients are very computer illiterate and he's been trying to teach them new software by phone conversation. Needless to say he's been on the phone most of the week supporting these folks and hasn't really been able to make headway. He decided to pay a site visit to get them straightened out. He's such a patient guy so when he gets frustrated, I know it's bad. I took him lunch today and his little eyes were so red and droopy. I knew that he was having a very bad day as soon as I saw him. I did my little "wash it off" thing, but my magic can only go so far. It's almost 10pm now and he's fighting to stay awake. I tried to tell him to call it an early night, but he doesn't sleep well to begin with so I think that he's afraid if he goes to bed this early that he won't be able to sleep a full night. I can tell he's stressed, and of course being that I do it so well.....I worry. I'm going to make his weekend especially relaxed and treat him like the king he is. I may even bow at his feet (wink).

This is what I say.....

I'm officially boycotting Valentine's Day - it's no longer in existence.

Say good-bye to all the benefits reaped you card reading, flower receiving, candy biting, gold digging diamond hussies.

Pffffft - Valentines Day.

Thinking Through a Blur

So here I am almost to the end of my day, not even sure if I've really gotten anything accomplished. As I sit here thinking back, it all seems to be somewhat of a blur. I did the motions of a work day and looking around at all the empty files I see that I did get a lot done, but my mind has not been here with me at all today.

It's been one of those days where bigger things took priority in my mind. The weekend, last night. Have you ever felt so confused that you're confused about your confusion? I know. Sound ridiculous, but that's how I feel today. And no matter how much I just want to stop thinking, my thoughts rule my mind as usual. I'm feeling sad and that makes me feel frustrated. The same thoughts keep running through my mind like a broken record. Maybe my ex-husband was right about me all along.... maybe I am too hard to live with. Maybe I do expect too much. Maybe it will someday come to the point that nobody will "put up with me". I used to hate it so much when he was right. I hate it even more now that I'm starting to think that what he used to say might make sense.

Maybe it is me. I mean, perhaps I am so hard to live with that it's stressful. I dunno. I don't understand a lot of things and my confusion is getting results from my thoughts. Does that even make sense?

I'm going to see my Mom today. I need to talk to her. I'm not sure why it seems that every time I go down there and sit in front of that stone that I feel she can hear me better. I miss her so much. I miss her the most when I'm feeling like this. To her I wasn't annoying, I didn't create problems that aren't there.

Do you think it's possible to love someone too much? Love them so much that you become an annoyance? My confused mind says yes.

Three Months

Today makes three months Joel and I have been married. Doesn't seem that long but I suppose it's because I can't get enough of him. I love being around this man, sometimes maybe too much. And even though it doesn't seem like it's been this long in one perspective, in another I can't even remember what my life was without him.

So I search online for something that could symbolize this occasion, because while many people don't think 3 months is something to celebrate, I do. In all honesty every day to me is a day to celebrate when I wake up with him beside me. I didn't find anything aside from the "February Flower", the Violet.

I love you so much baby, thank you for making me the happiest woman in the world.
Happy "3 month" Anniversary!

_________________________________________________________

Love does not consist in gazing out at each other
but in looking together in the same direction.
Antoine De Saint Exupery

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do."
Barbara De Angelis

"Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love."
De Finod

Drivin with Diamonds

This is it. Our new vehicle! That's right, believe it or not we're sporting around in a 2006 Chevy Trailblazer. I've driven Subaru, Ford, Dodge, Chrysler and Pontiac... this is the first Chevy I've driven. It's real nice though. I admit even though I had completely sworn off SUV's, I have to admit it's good to know that it's roomy enough and the fact that it's reliable when you wake up to snow covered roads. We've had it a little over a week and it's starting to really grow on me. I love the color. The sun hasn't been out before today and even though it's called "Beige", I do see a hint of gold when the sun hits it a right way. Now how can a girl NOT love gold?? Besides, it makes me feel much better knowing that Joel is driving out of town in a reliable vehicle and I won't be getting a phone call that he had broken down along the road. But that's not the only purchase God has blessed us with. He has had the opportunity to upgrade his computer to what he needs for work and for play. I was happy that we were able to make that purchase. Sometimes his computer competes with me regarding his time and attention, but I am really thankful it's a machine I'm competing with and not another female. I would hate to go through divorce again. Just kiddin... wait, no really I'm not :)



Oh yes... and this is what I picked up last night! The addition to my wedding band! I can't stop looking at it. It's the prettiest thing I've ever had! I'm typically not a "diamond" girl but knowing what this stands for means absolutely everything to me. So this is what my set now looks like when I glance down at my hand.....

Awwwwwwww. Now I know why family have issues on who gets their parents wedding bands. These aren't only gorgeous rings but they have so much meaning for me. The first time that I know a ring is on my finger out of love, not out of "remember what I bought for you" or it being thrown in my face and reminded that I didn't really deserve it. Things sure have changed over the past year. Joel and I have been through our lows, and still struggle at times, but there's nothing at all I would change about anything in our life.

Diamonds are beautiful, but my husband is definitely my best friend.

Brrrrrrr........

It's cold. And I hate winter.

That's all.

So I couldn't NOT blog about this. As hard as I tried to fight it there are feelings that just want to pour out. That NEED to pour out.

Anger, hurt, disguist, shame. Just a few of the feelings that I experienced yesterday. I must say it's the first time in a long time that I've had hurt turn to anger. Angry is not something I like to be. Something that I am happy to say, doesn't happen often.

Never in my life have I laughed at the expense of someone else. But I suppose there are some out there that believe it's funny to do so. Imagine your worst fear, your worst insecurity, your most shameful attribute all being laughed at behind your back. The one thing that you struggle with every day, the one thing that has consumed most of your life. The one thing that you would have done anything not to have revealed. Not only revealed, but ridiculed and mocked.

You just have to wonder what kind of person (or people) would take these deep feelings and stomp over them with laughter. They laugh to make themselves feel better? They laugh at you to make it alright for them? And why would your thoughts and feelings mean anything to them? Who are you to them? Friend? Or so he says: " Trust me when I say that Joel has made 3 lifelong friends here. If you would give us a chance, I bet you could too". I just have to wonder what type of friendship one offers if they can turn around and laugh at your pain. A joke for all. As if they are so perfect and righteous that they feel they have a right to laugh at the expense of you. Perhaps laughing at you will make them feel better about themselves?

What a sad life one has to live to find one's pain and insecurity humorous.

My ex husband's family did this to me. Laughed and mocked me. For 12 years I was an outcast to these people. Ugly, fat, disguisting. Everyone was better than I. I was ignored. I was talked down to. I was not good enough.

Yesterday hurt worse. Why? His family never wanted to be my friends. His family never made the comment "give it a chance". They could care less. So, yes..... this by far was worse than the 12 years I was lashed by his family.

Oh and shall we not forget the comment: "I am sorry if it makes you uncomfortable for Joel to discuss your private life with me, but I take it as an honor and a sign of his trust that he confides in me. I do not take that lightly, and I do my best to give him my honest opinions."
Trust? Confide? Perhaps one needs a lesson in the definition of these two words:

Trust - the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed.
Confide - to tell in assurance of secrecy.

Instead as soon as the door shuts you ran off to tell the others what was told to you in trust and confidence. Take it lightly? Yes, you took it more than lightly.

I don't understand why it is this happened. I don't understand why it was that you laughed. Each and every one of you hurt me. I hope the fun and laughter was worth it to you.

And for "him" - it didn't have to become friendship for betrayl to happen, you've accomplished that long before you ever gave friendship the oppurtunity. But hey.... glad I could oblige the laughter.

_______________________________________________________________

"To jealousy, nothing is more frightful than laughter."
- Francoise Sagan

"It's what you do, unthinking, that makes the quick tear start; The tear may be forgotten -- but the hurt stays in the heart."
- Ella Higginson

"It is easy -- terribly easy -- to shake a man's faith in himself. To take advantage of that to break a man's spirit is devil's work."
- George Bernard Shaw

Interesting Article

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that 65 percent of U.S. adults -- or about 129.6 million people -- are either overweight or obese.

Does weight have any bearing in the workplace? According to Miriam Berg, president of the Council on Size and Weight Discrimination, it does. "The biggest obstacle larger-than-average workers face is prejudice, and the second biggest obstacle is the fact that many large people believe that prejudice themselves," Berg says. "Our culture is obsessed with weight loss, and there is a tremendous amount of bias against people who do not fit into the narrow definition of what is attractive."

"Obesity in current society is a stigmatized condition," notes Cornell University researcher and nutritional sociologist Jeffery Sobal. "People who are obese are rejected and discriminated against."

In addition to the emotional cost, the financial costs of being overweight can be high, too. In a study by Charles L. Baum, Ph.D., of Middle Tennessee State University, obesity was found to lower a woman's annual earnings an average of 4.5 percent. Over a lifetime career, that can be as much as $100,000. Baum found that obesity for men could lower annual earnings by as much as 2.3 percent. In a separate study by John H. Cawley, associate professor at Cornell University, a weight increase of 64 pounds above the average for white women was associated with 9 percent lower wages.

CSWD says that heavier workers are also not given raises as often as thinner workers, citing a study of more than 2000 adults that found wage growth rates were 6 percent lower in a three-year period for heavier workers.

One factor that seems to drive this bias is the cost of health insurance. The CDC has reported that obesity and overweight costs an estimated $117 billion in both direct medical costs and indirect costs, such as lost wages due to illness. Whether conscious or not, some employers may offer less pay to obese workers to offset higher health insurance costs.

"The research showing less productivity and more health problems in large size workers is flawed," Berg asserts. "The false idea that larger workers are less productive is a blatant attempt to deny the fact of weight discrimination. Large workers are denied promotions, are paid less, and are subject to being fired simply because of their size, no matter how excellent their qualifications are or how well they do their jobs."

In a 2005 survey by TheLadders.com, 75 percent of executives said that being overweight is a "serious career impediment."

Berg says she's heard many versions of the same story from her clients: "After reading his or her resume, the company was eager to hire the applicant. The phone interview went very well, and the person was practically assured of the job. But when he or she came face to face with the interviewer, everything changed. Suddenly the job had 'already been filled'."

Those who apply for positions that interact with the public may feel the biggest sting. "Many employers are not prejudiced themselves, but are afraid that customers may be put off by a plus-size employee, especially in jobs such as receptionist or salesperson," Berg notes.

Jim McSherry, managing partner of McSherry & Associates 2, a recruiting firm in Westchester, IL, says that extremely overweight applicants may indeed struggle in their job search, especially in companies that are very health conscious. "When two competing candidates are equally qualified, often it is not their appearance that ultimately hurts the overweight candidate, it is his or her self-confidence," McSherry says. "[But] if a candidate is really outstanding, their size will not be an issue."

"When a large person is looking for a job, we recommend doing your homework, dressing for success, putting your best foot forward, and, most importantly, addressing any potential objections a potential employer might have," Berg suggests. "There is no reason not to bring up your size -- it's the elephant in the room, so to speak. If you are healthy, tell the interviewer that you have not missed a day of work in five years, or however long it is. Point out how strong or fit or flexible you are, or mention that you have great stamina."

Being healthy doesn't simply mean losing weight. "Our advice to large size people in general is to be as healthy as they can be," Berg declares. "Some of the ways we suggest are enjoying life, reducing stress, being physically active, and eating a variety of nutritious foods."