Life Struggles

Sometimes you wonder what's harder than getting thru your every day struggles. For me it's watching the people I love struggle. I've watched the people I love the most struggle through the toughest times and I would rather feel the hurt and go through the struggle then to watch the people I love go through that pain and not be able to do a thing about it.

I've watched Faith go through some major struggles and to think that for her, it's just the beginning. In her short 7 years of life she's been through much more than anyone I know. She's so strong. Sometimes I wonder what goes through her little mind when she's facing those every day struggles. It has to be hard for her, especially for her to face these struggles without a voice. No means to express her hurt, her pain, her anger, her confusion.....in words. It hurts to see your child go through this and leaves you asking why. I've really been trying not to question this, but when situations arise and you're left asking questions.....the major one I find myself asking is "Why?". I've been angry. So angry. And when others have the say over what's best for your child and your left sitting with no voice......well it makes me realize what my little girl goes through every day of her life.


Then there's my mother....my best friend. God I miss her. I remember the things that wonderful woman faced in her life. It hurts to remember things like this, but for some reason it keeps me closer to her. Sometimes I think I'm forgetting her. I think I've forgetten what her voice sounded like. I remember her smile. I remember her laugh. Strange that I can remember those but wonder if I've forgotten the sound of her voice. I remember her hug. Her arms were my safe place....yes, till the day she passed. And even to this day when I wonder what else can go wrong and feel that the world is crashing down around me, she's my safe place. I run to her. Even tho she's not here, I feel her. I'm scared I'll forget her. I'll never forgive myself if that happens. I always think "What would mom do?" I could only hope to be half the woman she was. And even tho she's not here, she still seems to be watching out for me. She sent him to me. I'm convinced of this. Thank you mommy......he's what I've always wanted. A mommy gotta have her baby's back......you do, you always have.

Speaking of him. He's another that has faced issues in his past of hurt and pain that I wish I could just reach in and pull out of his heart....out of his mind. Now I realize that with Faith....her issues are out of my hands. I've put her issues in the hands of God, the only one that can intervene. My mother? Well most of her hurt occured before me so that was also out of my hands. Him? Well let's just say I'm here to be sure that he doesn't hurt anymore and that the pain of the past is something that is a healing work in progress. I can only hope to help him thru the struggles and pain that he's helped me through. He is my healing process. I'm convinced that God had our rocky paths come to that crossroad for a reason. It was at that crossroad that my life began a new turn. A path that I no longer felt lost and alone. Not so rocky and a ride that I'm finally able to sit back and feel the wind thru my hair.

So next time you feel that you're struggling thru the day.....take a moment to think of your loved ones. I'm sure that your day won't feel so hard.

" Roads are filled with gravel, little stones that may trip or bruise you...just like in life. There are setbacks that will trip you, you'll fall but then you'll stand up....for abrasions will heal. Setbacks are part of life; it comes as a package. Grit your teeth and continue walking."

" Advice from someone who understands: When in doubt, close your eyes and just remember that God does everything for a reason. And as hard as that seems to believe, he does. With the faith you have in him, nothing can stop you; you will make it because of the faith you carry with you."