Hurt

How do you console? I mean when someone you love more than anything is hurting so badly, how do you make them feel better?? Telling them it will be ok when they are feeling so hurt and sad?? That just doesn't seem like it's enough. It angers me when the people I love are hurt for stupid reasons. It angers me so badly to feel the pain they feel and not have a clue how to "make it all go away". It hurts that they hurt.

I tell Faith when she's sick...."I wish Mommy would get sick and take all the sickness away". That actually happened once. It was awesome. Mommy got sick and Faith was all better, just to see her smile again made me know that me "taking the sickness" away made her all better. I wanted to do this last night....I wanted to take all the hurt away, all the pain and make it disappear. How? It's so hard to see someone you love so upset. I'm not used to caring about someone so much that the pain they feel if like directly towards me. Which is fine, then maybe I can do the Mommy thing and take it all away???

This is when you know it's real. Their pain is your pain. Their happiness is your happiness. Their breath is your breath. I never want him to feel that kind of pain again......but if he does, I'll be right beside him. My promise to him that he will never walk alone again.

My Wednesday Off

Some days ya have off work ya just don't feel like ya get much done, ya know? Other days you feel like its non-stop. Today has been non-stop and I just hate when my day off is like this. Too many things to get done and too little time to do them. I had an appointment this morning at 10am (tattoo..yeah, something ya just can't imagine doin that early? Well I did) and then this afternoon I have this meeting about the "benefits" Faith receives from the state.

Now don't these people think if anything major has happened to my little girl since the last time we met that I would let 'em know? Gosh this stuff gets on my nerves. And to be honest dealing with issues related to a special needs child are intense enough without having to go thru these stupid meetings that the state requires you to do to continue receiving the benefits. I mean, come on. Do the elderly have to attend a meeting to confirm..."Hey I'm still old"? Or does the unemployed have to go to a meeting to confirm...."Hey I still ain't got a job"? No. Go figure. Like the parents of a special needs child need to go in and say...."Yup, she's still has the needs". Pisses me off. I guess I should just be thankful that the state helps kids like Faith and don't get me wrong, I am. But I guess I just don't get these meetings.

Ok, I'll stop bitching now.

It's about 1pm and the house seems so empty. My first day off without Joel bein around. It's kinda lonely. I mean this gives me time to load up the dishwasher, straighten things up a bit and ya know watch the soaps (shhh, don't tell him I said that)....but damn this house is quiet. He is so great. Laugh. Oh God how I laugh with him. He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. I couldn't want for anything more. Wow. When I sit here and think about our relationship it amazes me that I'm actually experiencing something like this. It's awesome. Marriage. Not such a bad word anymore. Actually the word kinda sends those nice warm chills down my spine. I think that's how it should have always been. Ya know things are right when ya get the chills....yup yup. Things are just right.

Ok I complained about not enough time in the day today but yet I sit here on my bum typing in a blog....priorities Lori....priorities.

Hit rewind, would ya?

Hit rewind, would ya? I just don't understand why the weekend flies by and the dang week goes so slow...Monday especially. I hate Mondays. Always have. Nothing good happens on Monday. To top it all off they are having a "social" at work tomorrow and guess what? It's Monday. Grrr. Now if I recall corretly the last social, which was held on Monday, is the time I cooked up some of them lil wieneys in BBQ sauce and only made it a block from the house till they all did a kasplack (k'a sp la ck) right on the floorboard of the passanger side. I was so damn pissed, besides the fact that I was runnin late...which is prolly why that did that kasplack (k' a sp la ck) to begin with. I said curse words that even I didn't know the meaning for! Now tomorrow....I'm taking meatballs. Lotsa nerve, eh? This time I've got it covered....literally. It's called "Duct Tape". The man's most powerful tool. Hey if men can use it for anything and everything then by God I'mma use it to tape my damn lid down on the crock pot. Speaking of crock pot... brings back to when the accident occured (ya know, kasplack). I told one of the fellas at work that I needed to get me a strap-on for my crock pot. Oh My God. I thought he was going to fall out of his chair he was laffin so hard. But ya know what I mean...those fancy crock pots Wal Mart sells where the lil strap goes across the lid? Those are awesome. I'mma get me one of them, you watch and see. And of course after he starts laffin at me the way he did, I couldn't help but to have a lil fun about it. LOL. Hell I might as well...it was at my own expense, right? If ya can't have a good laff at yourself every once in awhile then chances are that your gonna live a very long and boring life. Hell, I'm my best entertainment sometimes....as I've been told....I'm so "blonde" sometimes. Well DUH. Gesh. All that matters is that he loves me and wouldn't have me any other way....well perhaps a redhead. Ah well...can't win 'em all,eh? LOL. - just kiddin baby :)
Ok, better hit the bed....6am comes mighty early.

Just A Saturday

Well it's been a few days but I'm back. Nothing much to say 'cept I'm glad it's the weekend and I'm NOT in the mood I was the last time I posted. Yup...takes me a couple of days, but I'm much better. And not sorry about the piercing. Actually kind of looking forward to the tattoo. Just call me a rebel!!! :)

Nothing major planned for this weekend. Grocery store...uuugh...I HATE going shopping! Nothing good ever comes of it. You go you spend money (half the time, money you don't have), you drag these groceries home, gotta put all of 'em away and then you gotta cook. Whoever thinks being a housewife is the "thing"....more power to 'em. I could never do this day in and day out. Not that my career is all that great, but I think it's important to feel your contributing to the home. As a "housewife" I would only feel that I was taking care of my family....should be enough, right? I've been there and even tho I did a damn good job at it I still felt that I wasn't contributing. Hmmm, perhaps it was just because I was with the man I was with. Who knows? Alright that's been my moment of "thought rambeling"....forgive me?

So it's noon and so far I've fed the kid, made coffee, gulped down a banana for breakfast, mopped the floor, threw a load of clothes in the dryer and had a few moments of good gossip with my best friend. Production accomplished.

Hey...it's just a Saturday.

Another lesson learned

Ok, so I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed. Ya know you should always claim a "good day" right before your fixin to hit the bed because as sure as shit if ya don't....it turns out to be one of the worst.

I won't go into details but I will tell ya this. When someone goes to the extreme to go and have herself a body piercing done to get her mind on "outside" pain instead of the "inside" pain...well that should tell ya where I'm going with this. That's right....let's concentrate on the piercing. I've been wanting to get a tattoo for the past few years now but Tim (the ex for those of you who haven't had the pleasure) absolutely threw a fit. My body, my mind...but Lord forbide I have the say-so. Grrrr. Anyways I get ready today and just a "spur of the moment thing" (that of which I believe to always turn out the best) I hopped my happy lil (please do not respond to that, as it's rude to interrupt..LOL) ass in my car and drove myself to the local tattoo shop (Thinkin Ink in Clarksburg) and went straight in to this lil tattoed guy (tattoo's on men are soooooo sexy) and advised him that I wanted a tattoo and immediately went on to say.....ummmmm NOW (ya know, before I changed my mind). He said that he couldn't get me in because tattoo's have to be by appointment. Damn. I then inquired about a piercing. He asked where. I told him. He said that he could do that right now. Woo Hoo. Just what I wanted.....pain. I told him to fix me up that I came there for pain and if I couldn't get the tattoo then I was leaving with some type of afflicted pain and so that he did. Here I sit a 33 yr old woman with an eyelid ring. And why you ask????

Another lesson learned.....

Good Day :)

It's only Tuesday but oh what a good day! For one thing it's going fast. Gotta love days like that! Especially weekdays, LOL.

Work flew by. Like now, only a few more hours to go. I been busy doing paperwork all day. Hey the less I gotta listen to people whine about paying for electric, the better. Don't get me wrong...not all days are bad. Actually there are a lot of pleasant people that call in that I speak to on a daily basis. However I do find that if the word "termination" is present....it ain't gonna be a pleasant conversation.

Joel got some great news today. He is contracting as a web designer and gosh I'm so happy about that I can bust. Now I know what it really means to genuinely be happy for the one you love when something exciting happens for them. I'm as excited as I would be if it were happening for me....God I love this man.

Ok time to roll. Just wanted to say



Today is a Good Day :)

Blog this....

Well I didn't really think blogging was such a big thing....but I've come to realize that having a place to write (or in this case type) how your feeling is a good thing. Lots of times I've wanted to write down how I was feeling but somehow seems worthless if your the only one to read it, eh? Ah hell, why not let strangers read your deepest and most intimate thoughts..LOL

So I reckon I'll start the blog by telling you a bit about myself. I'm 32....grrrr, scratch that....33 (God, I'm getting old!) and I live in West Virginia. I have a special needs daughter who just recently turned 7. Her birthday is Christmas Eve, mine is Christmas Day. Yup, we guzzle the eggnog. LOL. Not really. I recently ended a 13 yr relationship with her father. Very hard....the relationship that is. Ya know they never start that way, but boy when they go downhill it sure don't take long for them to crash...if ya know whadda mean. Anyways in the long run either him or I were happy. We were staying together for her...at least I can say I was. Unfortuntely went into debt before realizing all this (life lesson #...ummm, ah hell too many to keep track). The relationship ended long ago but I just found the strength in October to take the steps to move on with my life. Someone special came into my life, as a friend, and told me that I shouldn't have to "settle" regardless of my situation. Ended up this "friend" was the man I've searched for my entire life. My True Love, my Soulmate. Yeah yeah....roll your eyes. Believe me, I was the most negative person when it came love. I mean, I wanted to experience True Love. But I had come to the conclusion that I would never have the pleasure of that experience. Until him.

We both started speaking on a friendly basis and making sure that the other knew that friendship was as far as it was gonna go. We met online. Yeah, yeah...roll your eyes again. Hey I know it's strange, but it's sure a helluva lot better than meeting someone at a bar and trying to evolve a relationship from that. HELLO??? At a bar. Intoxicated. Blurred vision. Slurred speach. Now roll your eyes at meeting online. HA...never thought of it that way, did ya? Anyways...one thing led to another and before we knew it....feelings were developing. He's the only man I've ever met. All the others were just practice for the "Big Kahuna"....now THAT is what I'm screamin!!!

I work for a local power company. Love it. The people I work for are awesome and even upper management rocks. The only thing that sucks is the people calling in whining cuz they ain't made one payment on their electric bill in like a year....no shit...a year. I'm can first hand witness this. Anyways, can't go into much detail on that...I've plead the 5th. I'm like the 3rd monkey...speak no evil.

Other than that, my life is pretty simple. Just the way I like it. The less drama in my life, the better. Somehow tho it seems like drama just seems to follow me. So on a day that is the "same ol, same ol"....I'm pretty damn grateful for that. No drama = no stress. There's too much stress in my life that is beyond my control so at the times I can do anything to avoid such....I will.

There ya have it...my life in a nutshell. Nothing exciting.
My final comment???

BLOG THIS.....