There are times I wonder "What is God thinking? Just how strong does he think I am? When will he stop piling stuff on me?" There have been more times these thoughts have come.... more so then they should have. I mostly feel that way when it's things that I just have absolute no control over. Things that hurt so deeply that it just seems God is out to get me. I know better than this, after it's all over. There are also some things I still wonder about, some things that I still question. I'll always question the fact of him taking my mother..... somehow that hurt and betrayl doesn't seem to disappear.
The motor in our vehicle blew last week. A vehicle we've only had for four months. Upsetting and frustrating since this was our "dependable" vehicle and was going to be paid off with income taxes. Just when we seem to be getting ahead.... you know that saying? One step ahead, three steps back. To make a long story short; the gentleman whom we purchased the car from fiananced us, which meant no interest. We put $1600 cash down on the vehicle and were paying $200 a month. So we've invested about $2600 in the car already and could have easily paid it off with tax return. He told us he could have another motor put in for an additional $700. First of all, the vehicle is a 1998 Grand Prix and NOT something I chose out of admiration. It was affordable and seemed to be capable of serving it's purpose, ya know, to work and back, hauling Faith's wheelchair, so on. The night it broke down on the interstate I had just picked Faith up. Came home and called 911 to report my vehicle broken down and gave them my contact info telling them the car would be off the interstate the next day by noon. We go over that morning to try and give the car another go. It was a no go. The motor literally locked, wouldn't even turn over. Lost pay by taking the day off to get things figured out, calls made and to remain extremly frustrated and depressed. Get home to find a message from 911 operator advising us that one of the city cops found my vehicle as a posed danger and had it towed. I was so angry! I've seen broken down vehicles sitting along the interstate (in worse spots than mine) for days! We had already made arrangements for the gentleman whom we bought the car from to pick it up.... for FREE! Now we were being told it would cost us $45 to get the vehicle. I was upset, even more now than before. It was Joel's birthday and everything was going wrong. The only good thing is that we both were able to be home together that day, but seeing the circumstances, didn't really have a "celebration". Jim (gent who sold us the car) ended up calling the wrecker service, paying not only the $45 but also paying them to tow the car over to him. We paid nothing. He is also putting almost everything we've paid on the car onto another vehicle from his lot. So we're looking at taking $1995 off another vehicle. We find out during conversation that he is a Christian. We're currently hoping that this time next week we'll be sporting around in a safe and sturdy Dodge Durango.
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