Sunday Sunday

Not much to say really. Same feelings. I have sent emails to three doctors in the area requesting information on the surgeries. Just a waiting game now. I've been looking at "before and after photos" (here's the link, so you too can be amazed: http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/before+and+after.php ) of folks that have gotten the surgery and I suppose I am a bit obsessed by it because every time Joel turns around that's what I'm looking at. He just doesn't seem to understand how bad I want this.....NO, how bad I NEED this. I mean it's amazing. I would love to be where they are. Feeling good about themselves and confident. Funny thing is I've actually thought.... hmmmm, anirexia or belimia is definitly cheaper and easier. If I could stand the puking part I would probably do it. I need this surgery. I don't know how much longer I can think like I do before I just fall into a hole.
I have never been this bad. I don't what's wrong with me.