What To Do?

Ever feel that there's nothing that you can do that will possibly be enough? Ever feel that hurt that your loved one is feeling would be easier if you could feel it instead? I mean just take it away so you don't see them in pain anymore. That's how I feel tonight.

Joel found out this afternoon that his Grandfather passed. I had to tell him. I have to say that's probably the hardest thing I've had to say to anyone, especially to the man I love. I just keep replaying it in my mind wishing I had done one thing or the other differently. Maybe it would have helped him deal with it better if I had. I tried to give him a "It's ok, I'm here" smile, but I'm not sure it came across the way I intended it. I know. Nothing can possibly make something like this better, I guess I just wish I could do something to take his pain. I've never felt that before. Just to see him hurting....I wish it were me. The passing of a loved one, whether your close to them or not, is very deeply felt. I know, I've been there. The passing of my Papaw and Mamaw hurt, but I didn't even know what was yet to come until I dealt with the passing of my Mother. I'm not even sure if I've really dealt with it yet today.

All I can do is be there for him. Be here to hold him, to listen to him, to support him. I only know this because it's what I wish I would have had when I lost Mom. I know I can't take his pain, God knows I wish I could. If I could, I would in a heartbeat. I would rather it be me hurting right now.

So what to do? Nothing. Just be here when he reaches out. When he needs a hug. When he needs to know he has someone.

You have someone baby. I will always be here for you. I know I can't make it go away, but I will be right there....in your heart....always.

I love you.