I love this photo. I love how the tree silhouettes against the sunset sky. Photography is amazing, isn't it? Captures the moment just as you remember it.
Our memory does the same. Even though we may not have a photo to hold in our hands to help us remember those special times in our lives, our memory serves us that purpose.
Ever feel that there's nothing that you can do that will possibly be enough? Ever feel that hurt that your loved one is feeling would be easier if you could feel it instead? I mean just take it away so you don't see them in pain anymore. That's how I feel tonight.
Joel found out this afternoon that his Grandfather passed. I had to tell him. I have to say that's probably the hardest thing I've had to say to anyone, especially to the man I love. I just keep replaying it in my mind wishing I had done one thing or the other differently. Maybe it would have helped him deal with it better if I had. I tried to give him a "It's ok, I'm here" smile, but I'm not sure it came across the way I intended it. I know. Nothing can possibly make something like this better, I guess I just wish I could do something to take his pain. I've never felt that before. Just to see him hurting....I wish it were me. The passing of a loved one, whether your close to them or not, is very deeply felt. I know, I've been there. The passing of my Papaw and Mamaw hurt, but I didn't even know what was yet to come until I dealt with the passing of my Mother. I'm not even sure if I've really dealt with it yet today.
All I can do is be there for him. Be here to hold him, to listen to him, to support him. I only know this because it's what I wish I would have had when I lost Mom. I know I can't take his pain, God knows I wish I could. If I could, I would in a heartbeat. I would rather it be me hurting right now.
So what to do? Nothing. Just be here when he reaches out. When he needs a hug. When he needs to know he has someone.
You have someone baby. I will always be here for you. I know I can't make it go away, but I will be right there....in your heart....always.
I love you.
You know that look and you’ve seen those eyes;
The discreetly blunt stare from a passer-by.
That look can sometimes bring tears to your eyes;
And other times anger, though it can make you wise.
That studying look with those questioning eyes;
That are filled with so much curiousity and surprise.
They want to ask questions and some of them do;
They cannot comprehend for it’s so very new.
So they stare in their quiet and questioning gaze;
As you hurt even deeper in your own private ways.
For your pain is so real and you hurt deep inside;
It’s a pain without question you don’t easily hide.
It’s a journey, a process and it seems to come slow;
It’s a struggle of emotions but the pain will soon go.
You will learn how to look at those questioning eyes;
Without all the hurt...without all the whys.
For it comes from within that you change in your ways;
And it comes with much time and with practice each day.
So give yourself time and the space that you need;
As time is the key and Faith is the seed.
There will come a day when you soon realize;
How to look up and smile at those questioning eyes.
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Being the mother of a special needs child sure has a lot of emotional struggles, as we seem to live in our child's world. For me, I have no other children so Faith's development for me is "normal". That is, until we go outside of "Faith's world" then I realize just how delayed she is. I watch children her age run and play and that hurts, but I think seeing reactions from others can hurt the most. What you read above was written by a mother of a special needs child....it's the look of strangers that sometimes wants us to remain in our child's world and not explore the "outside world". At least in "Faith's world" she doesn't get "Those Eyes".
