Weekends Suck

Sunday:
I've been up since 5am (had a very bad dream... let's just say it involved my little girl and me ending up stabbing someone 3 times); didn't go to bed till 2am. Thus far the weekend has been an absolute nightmare.... and it started Friday before I even left work.

Following explains my weekend thus far.

Friday:
I had an amazing job opportunity arise for me with the FBI. I had the interview on April 4th and got an email about a week later with the word "CONGRATULATIONS" going on to say that I've been "chosen". I was absolutely STOKED, to say the least. All I could think in the back of my mind is that "it's finally happening.... my husband landed this amazing job, we got a house, a new vehicle... our lives are finally coming together where we can build a future together". Friday that all came crashing down.

I'm not the type to quit a job before getting another one. The last time I did that I was out of work for an agonizing 4 months. After calls and emails to the FBI requesting elaboration on the original email sent to me and getting no response, I decided to pick up the phone to call a family friend who has worked at the FBI for 13 yrs. I read her the email and told her that I was torn because I didn't know what to do. The email indicated that it would require me to travel to Washington, D.C. the week of April 28th. I told her that I've left messages with the contact person and sent several emails to request further information and have heard nothing. I explained to her that I was in a position where I needed to decide if it would be safe to put in my 2 week notice with my current employer. She reassured me that I was a "shoe in" and told me that as long as the testing came back (background check, drug test, polygraph), there wouldn't be any reason at all that I shouldn't go ahead and put it in. I talked with my husband about it and explained to him what she told me. We decided that it would be safe to put in that 2 week notice. I mean I have nothing to keep me from passing all the testing required; and I sure didn't want to go to my present employer to request time off to travel to Washington, D.C. to test for another job. So this past Monday, I turned in my 2 week notice which made my last day as a Paralegal on April 25th. The entire week I felt like I was floating on cloud 9.... it's the happiest I've been about things in awhile (this house has really put a lot of stress and strain for us both). In the back of my mind I'm thinking "It would still be good to speak with someone from the HR Dept". So I sent another email and decided to just call her up. I, of course, had to leave a message. Amazingly she did return my phone call Friday afternoon while I was at work, which started my horrible weekend. She advised me that I was chosen as an "alternate" candidate and that the position was not a "guaranteed" position. In other words, the only way MY position was guaranteed is if the "primary" candidate was unable to pass their testing. Reminder: finding this out a week after I've already put in my 2 week notice. The email I received did not, what-so-ever, indicate anything that she was telling me. Hell, I was ready to travel to Washington. She confirmed that I would still be requested to go to Washington to complete the testing, but that she felt that I should ask my current employer to disregard my 2 week notice. Oh? Ya think? I felt like a complete idiot. Now how are you supposed to go to your employer, with your tail between your legs, and say "I need to keep my job.... at least till I find out if I've got the other one". Ummm, probably not gonna sit well. My supervisor was off that day and there would be no way in hell that I could go to the attorney and tell him this. I snuck off to the back room and called her at home, explained everything to her. She asked to speak with the attorney. After she spoke with him, he called me to advise me that she was on the other line wanting to speak with me (REMINDER... I just got approved for health benefits.. haven't even used them yet... which is something they pay 100% for... which by the way, was canceled the day I turned in my notice). She told me that since the partner attorney was not in the office it would be something they would have to talk about on Monday and let me know. So I'm thinking.... GREAT... they're gonna have a pow wow mocking and laughing at me about jumping to conclusions and tell me tough shit... regardless of you trying to better yourself in life... this is your last week of employment with us. There goes my income, along with my health insurance. I'll be honest... about then is when I felt I needed that health insurance the most. Needless to say after the day, I could not wait to go to bed.

Saturday:
I wake up in a bit better spirits. As long as I don't think about the above issue. Our home is still a disaster. Still no kitchen and I fired my ex husband from doing the work since everything that he did pretty much was coming undid (yeah, I just invented that word). We've been on the hunt for contractors. So far one has came back with an offer of $6000.... JUST for the kitchen. We got in touch with another contractor. Christian man with lots of morals. Turns out that I know his family from where I used to go to church with my mom. Very nice people. He left and I must say I was a bit excited because he seemed to be very reasonable and very honest. My husband and I decided to use him. He even took it upon himself to pray with us before he left. I grew up in church; I know right from wrong and what being a Christian is all about. I wish I were a better person when it came to God and I know that I have issues that I need to work out with him. I've held a lot in and am ashamed of the way I feel. But I know Jesus and it still touches my heart in the deepest way when I feel his spirit. I want to make things right, but the past and the hurt somehow keeps that from happening. I cried. I cried hard. I cried so hard I was embarrassed. I know it's the past hurt and the current stress that has me so emotional. I hate getting this way, I hate being this way. All in all, knowing that we had a Christian contractor somehow made things look a bit better (as long as I didn't think about the FBI). So we go on about our day. I'm wiped. I mean totally wiped out. I go downstairs to put in a load of laundry, come back up and lay on the couch a bit while Faith watched Elmo. Later that evening my husband goes downstairs to get a clean pair of pants. He comes up and stops in the middle of the Living Room and gives me "the look"; no. no. NO. I HATE that look. That look of "You don't even wanna know". I say "What?" He tells me that there's 2-3 inches of standing water in the basement and all the dirty laundry I had separated is soaked. Not only that, but the water standing in the basement.... is septic water. Our main was backed up so badly that every time the toilet was flushed or water was ran.... instead of it draining, it ended up in the basement. I give up.

Sunday:
My bad dream awakens me after only 3 hours of sleep. I come down and unwind by playing a good game of "Price is Right" on the computer. Around 7, I go back upstairs to try and get a few more hours before the sound of my little girl awakens me. It's not happening. I have millions of things going through my mind. I come back down and make 2 calls to "plumbers" to see if they could possibly do a Sunday call and cringe to think of how much this will cost us. We've already put so much money into this house, not to mention the fact of loans we've gotten. If this plumber comes and is unable to fix what's wrong and tells us a new line needs run.... I'm done. I'm calling and voiding the contract. We're undoing everything that's been done and we're moving. I cannot allow our family to go through this. I'm so stressed right now and think that I have got to be somewhat of a healthy person to take this and not just kill over of a heart attack.

Next week better bring better or the next time I blog it may be from the wing of the mental hospital.