Puppy Love

Our new family addition; Pudge

When I Hurt

This time of the year is especially hard for me. Christmas since 2001 has never been the same without my Mother. It's sad too because I have my little girl to think about; but without fail the only thing I do is wait and pray for it to be over as quickly as possible. What use to be the most special time of the year has turned into the undeniably worst.

Last year it seemed to get a little easier. I have the love of my daughter and my husband, not to mention my Dad and my brother. But then once I started thinking that Christmas is a little easier, I then start to feel guilty. I don't want to enjoy Christmas. I don't want to be happy on the one day of the year my Mother loved the most.

December 24, 1969 my parents were married in my Grandparents home. December 25, 1972 my Mother gave birth to me. December 24, 1998 my little Faith Ellen was born. So, you see.... Christmas was huge for my family.... from my parents anniversary, to my birthday, to Faith Ellen's birthday.

My Mom absolutely loved this time of the year. You'd think for someone who was in the kitchen cooking from the time she woke up to almost the time she went to bed, it would get old. But not for my Mom. She sat at the kitchen table smiling, singing Christmas songs, lighting Christmas candles and making the most remarkable dinner all for her family. She loved everything about Christmas. She glowed when her little "Pretty Face" was born on Christmas Eve.

All this changed Christmas of 2002. No more smiles, no more Christmas songs at the table and no smell of Christmas candles.

So you see, even though Christmas should be the happiest time of the year; even when I think that it may get "easier"..... it's then I realize it will never be the same for me. Not without my Mom. This time of the year is when I miss her the most. If I could have one last Christmas wish ever...... it would be to be with my Mommy just one more day.

Happy Thanksgiving

What I'm Thankful For

The mess to clean up after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

The taxes I pay because it means that I'm employed.

The clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

My shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

The spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.

All the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech.

That lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.

The piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby.

The lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

My huge heating bill because it means that I am warm.

Weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means that I have been productive.

The alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.

I am thankful for you because it means that I am loved.

FINALLY.....

..... I'm employed!!!! That's right folks, a working woman. It's good to be in that saddle again!!

I had an interview for a law firm on Friday and they called Monday morning to offer me the job. Even though it's not as much as I was making at my last position, the benefit that they pay 100% insurance sure makes up that loss. I figured it out and I'm actually making cents less after taking that into consideration.

So my first day is November 5. This is my last week of "housewife" duties. THANK GOD!! I cannot tell you how happy I am that I won't be stuck in this house all day long. Another perk is that I'll be working in the same town as my husband and we can carpool together, which will save gas. He'll be getting off about 30 minutes before me, but I'm sure he can find something to occupy his time seeing that we're both pretty much in the "shopping section" of town.

I'm excited and the job just feels "right".

My Life At Home

Well seems that staying home just isn't my cup of tea. I've now been a "housewife" officially for 4 months since my resignation and I can tell you I'm not liking it. At all.

I've had a few interviews, but at this point in my life I'm not going to take a job just to get back to work. I want a career. I didn't go to college and I know that may seem a little too demanding, but I know my skills and work ethic are worth more than a measly $9-$10 hr job. I make that much on Unemployment. So yes, maybe I am being picky... but why not? I've worked for the past 17 years for the Unemployment check every other week, I'm taking advantage of it and taking my time to find a job that I can hopefully retire from. Which I must say, isn't all that of an easy task in this area. Jobs are hard to come by, and to find a "good job".... well, let's just say I'm praying for a miracle.

We are trying to trade in our 2006 Trailblazer for something that will lower our payments a bit. The finance manager is out of town and won't be back until Thursday.... so we're waiting. If they can't cut us the deal we need, we may be better off to drive an hour or so and try there. The salesman, in a nonchalant way, suggested we drive about an hour to the mountains and try to possibly see if we could get a better deal there. We'd be trading a 4x4 so he suggested that a better trade value would be in an area where folks are strictly looking for 4x4 SUV's. It's an idea that we may explore.

One advantage of being off work is the fact that I am more involved with Faith. I actually will be playing the role model of "Homeroom Mother" for her Halloween party on Friday. She is going to be a ballroom princess... the whole nine yards.... long white gown, white gloves, white slippers and of course the tiara. Who can be a princess without the tiara?? I went yesterday and picked up candy and such to make up little bags for the kids. Picked up some cupcakes. I also signed on for the Christmas party, even though I'm hoping to be working by then I hope to be able to attend that one since Faith's birthday is on Christmas Eve.

All in all, life has been a little boring. Some days I feel really down and depressed. I know it's the fact that I'm jobless. I just don't know how women stay home.... it's not in my blood.

Bummed

It's been awhile..... reason being? Nothing to say really. I mean I'm still desperately seeking employment and not had much luck with that at all. I'm actually getting to the point that I'm starting to feel a bit depressed about the whole thing. Second guessing my resignation and wondering if I had made the right decision.

I had an interview on Monday for a localized state facility. The interview went well, but it's now Wednesday and I've still not heard anything. I'm getting scared. I hate not working.

My 2nd Tattoo

Just went and had it done on Wednesday. A bit bigger than my last one; about 7 inches long and 4 1/2 inches wide. Very special meaning.....

Inspiration

I've been kind of in a "funk" lately with blogging. I mean there's nothing really going on to blog about, except drama and I'd rather try to forget about that for awhile.

Please stay tuned for the regular scheduled programming......

Surprise

LOL. Ok, this IS my all time favorite!!

Evolution of Dance

Ok. One more. LOL

Hahaha

Ok.... I'm havin a "YouTube" night. I LOOOOOOVE this one!

Check this out.....

The only time I'd enjoy being in prison.... to watch this!!!

The Family Cometh

Family is here. I thought I would be nervous... well, I was at first but they are so nice and I got comfortable in no time. Of course I haven't really gotten to know them yet. They just got in a few hours ago and I mostly have just been able to sit and listen to stories, but it's been enjoyable. Grandma is so cute!!! She just smiled and kissed me on the cheek as soon as she came in! God I miss female interaction! Family, I mean. I'm usually surrounded by men so the sight of female family gets me excited! Girl talk!!! LOL

Tommorrow evening I'm going to make dinner. A bit nervous about that and hoping that they aren't as picky as Joel. He says that they'll love my deer steak so I'm holding him to that. Deer steaks, chicken breast marinated in Itailian dressing and baked, fried potatoes, green beans. That oughta show 'em us "southerners" know how to cook up a meal.

I think Sunday we'll drive to Valley Falls and show them where we got married. It's not a far drive and this weekend is actually the Blackberry Festival so we may be able to head over there and look around a bit. It's their call.

More updates later

My Biggest Fear

I recently read this article in the news....... it sickens me to even see this man alive, let alone walk away in cuffs. That isn't justice.......

Respiratory therapist Wayne Albert Bleyle was in New York state on a wintry day when investigators called him about allegations he had molested patients too sick to defend themselves.

When they asked how many children he molested, investigators said, he looked out his window and asked, "How many snowflakes are there out there?"

On Wednesday, Bleyle didn't turn to look as a succession of parents and family members of victims spoke at his sentencing hearing. Some wept; others shook with anger.

As part of a plea deal, Bleyle, 56, was sentenced to 45 years and eight months in prison for molesting five of his young, disabled patients and for taking pornographic photographs of others. Prosecutors said he targeted those who were comatose, brain-damaged or too disabled to talk.

"You have violated the trust of your patients, you have violated the trust of your employer, and you have inflicted indescribable anguish on your victims and their families," Superior Court Judge Kenneth K. So told Bleyle.

Bleyle, who told investigators he molested as many as half the children he treated in his ten years working in the convalescent ward at Rady Children's Hospital in San Diego, stared straight ahead or cast his eyes down at the table in front of him as victims' relatives spoke.

"I just want you to know it doesn't matter what you say or how many years you spend in jail - it's not going to be enough," Lillian Godfrey, whose daughter is now dead, told Bleyle. "I don't think you have a soul. You're just an empty human shell."

Prosecutors said the extent of Bleyle's molestation will never be known because he targeted patients who were comatose, brain-damaged or too disabled to speak.

He was arrested last year after investigators tracing pornography through the Internet found tens of thousands of pornographic images on his computer, including photographs he took of himself abusing his patients.

He allegedly confessed to investigators in March 2006 when they reached him by phone in New York state, where he was visiting relatives. When he was arrested, he was living in a trailer in a casino parking lot because his wife had kicked him out of the house.

Bleyle worked at the renowned Rady hospital for 25 years, the last 10 at the convalescent home, where the most disabled patients live. The 59-bed convalescent hospital treated 176 patients during Bleyle's 10 years working there.

"He wishes to apologize to all the victims and their families," said his attorney, Casey Donovan, who noted that Bleyle himself had been sexually abused as a boy. "He knows he can never make amends for what he has done."

Investigators identified just four of Bleyle's victims: three girls and a boy who were all younger than 14 when the molestations took place. Two of the children have since died. Investigators were never able to put a name to one of the victims, a 2-year-old girl found in pictures.

Janice Frost, whose 10-year-old daughter died in June 2006, three months after investigators discovered her image on Bleyle's home computer, called it a "parent's worst nightmare." Frost said her daughter was under Bleyle's care from the time she entered the long-term facility as a 10-day-old newborn suffering a brain condition. "During her dying moments, I told her I would see this through," Frost said outside the courtroom, as she clutched one of her three older daughters.

Bleyle faced up to 165 years if he had been convicted on all counts in a jury trial. Prosecutors said they made a deal in part because they were anxious to spare one of Bleyle's victims, a teenage girl who claimed Bleyle inappropriately touched her buttocks while she recovered from a stroke, the strain of testifying before a jury.

Bleyle's arrest prompted the hospital to ban cell phones in patient treatment areas, including rooms, and require doors and curtains around patients be left open most of the time, said hospital spokesman Ben Metcalf.

In court, Pandora Johnson said she had asked her son, who cannot speak because of a breathing device in his throat, whether he had been abused. "He didn't give his usual yes or no sign. He just looked afraid," Johnson said. "And when I said, 'Wayne will never do this to you again,' he gave me a big smile. That smile broke my heart."

That Sigh of Relief

Well the test is done and over with.... I passed after a grouling 3 hour call test. Two tests down and now waiting on reference check and background check, other than that looks like the only other obstacle is the interview. The testing administrator advised me that they have interviews booked for the entire month of August, which means it looks like my interview wouldn't be until September. That sucks, really sucks. I was stoked about passing the test, but quickly brought down by finding out that I may have to wait 2 months for the interview. Meanwhile I've pretty much decided that I'll have to keep looking, take whatever comes along and then see how it turns out.

Needless to say the next week or so I'll be shipping out more resumes. Job hunting sucks.

Testing, Testing 1 2 3

Ok, I'm freaking out and I need something to do to occupy my time.... thus, the blog entry.

I go for my second test in 2 hours and I'm finding that my stomach is doing tumblesaults. I haven't wanted anything like this for a long time, well since I met my husband online and was waiting for him to move to West Virginia. Ahhh, the memories.

So far, I've defeated Rome (online game I've been playing), folded 3 baskets of laundry (while watching the Price Is Right), put away groceries, done 3 loads of laundry and barely got down a cup of coffee.

We did get a call from Joel's dad last night advising us that he would be in next weekend, not this weekend. That gives me a bit more time to get things here at the home front situated for their visit. It's also good because my family (2 aunts, my cousin and her baby) is coming in this weekend. I was a bit concerned how I would manage to visit with everyone in just one weekend. It's bad in another sense because Joel is scheduled to work that Saturday, but he's going to talk to his boss and see if something can be worked out. I hope so, I have no clue how I would manage to entertain people I don't know much about. I'm sure I'd come up with something, but I would want it to be something they would enjoy doing. We'll see.

Ok.... times a tickin, I'm off to shower and test. ACK!!!! I'm scared!!!

Staying Busy

Cleaning is tough. I would NEVER want to do it for a living! I simply cannot wait to get back to work.

Joel's family is coming for their visit this weekend. I'm nervous. They'll be in Friday night and from my understanding staying through Sunday. Not only are they coming in, but my family from North Caroling and Ohio are coming as well. Don't know how I'm going to manage that. Too many people to visit in a very short time. Wish our house was big enough to have them all over, but I just can't see how that would be possible. If our back area was cleaned up a bit we could probably manage a nice cookout, but finding out we have family from both sides coming in the same weekend at the last moments notice simply will not make that possible.

I'm trying to get the house organized and even though I've gotten a lot accomplished there just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. Of course I could probably be doing something more productive then blogging right now, but hey... everyone needs a break! I couldn't do much this morning because I had to run a few errands and had an interview today. Tomorrow is another day that I won't be able to accomplish much. I take my 2nd test for Verizon. THAT, I'm really nervous about. The interview went well today, perhaps too well. It's a good job, a secretary for the community career center. Contract job from August 2007 to July of 2008 with the possibility of becoming full time. The only negative issues are the hours. I'd be working from 3pm-9pm and I just can't see how that would be possible with Faith. I just hope that I find out about Verizon soon, before possibly hearing back from the career center. I don't want to turn anything down that would benefit this family. The career center job (because it's contract) doesn't offer benefits, so that's another negative. But it does pay well, very well for this area. Joel went for his interview yesterday at the college. He says it seemed to go very well, but he's not getting his hopes too high (he doesn't want to get bummed if he doesn't get a call back). They did mention the possibility of him being able to take classes while working to earn his degree. THAT would be awesome!! I would so love for him to achieve that. You'd think with everything he knows that he had a degree, but he doesn't. That would just be the icing on the cake.

I'll update later on about the job search and about the family visit.

My Next Tattoo

Well I have a "fixin". I need another tattoo. Thought long and hard about this one. The one I have was on a whim. It's on the back of my neck/upper back. I knew I wanted a sun/moon tat but wasn't sure exactly the specific design. This is how it turned out.

Not too bad. This next one will "mean" something. Since the blog speaks of how my life has taken such a turn over the past 1 1/2 yrs then I've decided on a butterfly hatching from the caccoon. Here's the picture we found:

Only Joel is going to modify it a bit, he's going to draw it up and I'll take that in for them to go by. Not only will his drawing be on me, but I'm also going to have names incorporated in with the tattoo. I'm going to have my Mom's name in the body of the butterfly, Faith's name on one wing and Joel's name on the other. This signifies that these are the people in my life that have made me who I am today.... from caterpillar to butterfly. It will be posted as soon as it's complete. I'm much more excited about this one!

Days of Dull

I miss working. Never thought I'd think that, but I do. I'll now be unemployed almost a month. It's killing me. The house looks real nice and the clothes seem to be getting laundered more efficiently, but I miss work.

I'm counting on July 25th. I take the second testing for Verizon. I will be absolutely crushed if I don't pass that test. I've had a few interviews, but I'm really holding out for Verizon. I'd hate to take a job and be there less than a month to take a better job. It's getting stressful financially to think about "what if". What if I don't get on there, then what? Ugh, it's driving me crazy already!!! The plus side to not working is the fact that I can start immediately. That has to be good, right?

Other than that my day is filled with laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming...... OH LORD!!! I'm officially a "housewife". Next thing I know, I'll be exchanging recipes with the women's auxiliary!

I've got to get this job. I NEED this job.