Clean Saturday

Well today is "clean" day. I've made it my mission to get my house clean. Not "straightened"; clean. I've got clean laundry all over our bedroom as well as Faith's room. I'm ashamed actually. Seems whenever we need clean clothes we have to fish through baskets and such to get an outfit. Today those will get hung and folded and put away.

This is actually the first weekend my husband has had to work. It sucks. Thank God I have Faith here today, I'd be beside myself. I hate a quiet house. I mean quiet as in nobody stirring around.

Needless to say, so far I've been able to keep myself busy. Our bedroom is almost done and next I'm hitting the computer room. That won't take long, then the bathroom; again not long. Kitchen on the other hand, well the only real thing that needs done in there are the floors. Faith's room - torture. We haven't even gotten that straightened around from the move. Her clothes also all over the place; clean, but all over the place. Dining Room and Living Room is gonna be a breeze, but I have to save that for last as "Queen Bee" is in watching TV. I dare not to interrupt when Elmo is playing.

So hopefully, even though my husband isn't here to share my Saturday I'll be able to get something accomplished. Then this evening nothing but a little R&R; after yesterday's emotional roller coaster I'm not even going out of the house. If I stay within my safe place then there's nothing that can cross my path; aside from the occasional dust bunny.

Latest Updates

I've been so pre-occupied with things that have been going on with Friday, I've not had the oppurtunity to update my blog. Will try to do that more often though.

For some interesting reading, you may refer to my daughter's blog at:

http://sweetfaith98.blogspot.com/

Calling, Mailing, Hanging....$$$$$

Wow. I didn't realize how much work it is to try to raise money for a good cause. You'd think that it would be almost effortless, but people are so greedy.

The last post was a day I had received two calls in one day.... that's been it; period. No other sponsors, calls, or donations. No wait, I take that back. A local motorcycle shop sent us $25. While that's all good, it's kind of disappointing. We were hoping that the local motorcycle shops would really reach out and donate items; such as helmets, riding gloves, gift cards.... you know? So far the most generous offer we've gotten was the t-shirt deal. We ended up increasing the registration cost because we're having to go to such extreme measures to get sponsors. We paid $45 to run an ad in the local newspaper.... for one day, yes (1) day. Now that's just ridiculous. Next we're going to mail out a bunch of sponsor forms to local businesses to see if that will generate any reaction. With the cost of stamps, right now we're up to $60 just in postage. Then to have the copies made.... we've probably spent at least $75 in copies.

I'm loosing faith in the community I live. We're not asking for much; just help us get this thing off the ground so the rights for these kids will get noticed. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Our Crusade

Wow. So much has happened in just the little bit of time I haven't posted. So much to tell!

We are getting great response from the community so far, I mean this isn't even a week old yet and we've already got 4 sponsors!!! There are actually two of our sponsors who are quite huge in this area, which is really great. We also have a sponsor who will be providing t-shirts for our run. Wow! That is amazing!!!

We've also been "legalized"; meaning that the IRS issued us an EIN number which makes us not breaking any laws. Because of this, we were able to open a checking account just for "Crusade for Faith". That's pretty awesome. This means we can now officially accept donations and bank them for when they are needed. Hopefully this Poker Run event will be the first of many and we've even discussed the possibility of having a car show sometime in September. I'm not concerned about bikers not showing, when it comes to raising money for kids they really pull through no matter what.

My friend Cacie and her boyfriend Punk have been awesome too!!! Her and I exchange ideas practically all throughout the day while we're at work (text messages... my cell phone bill is gonna rocket but it's so worth it). We have lots of folks who have volunteered to make a covered dish for our ending destination. We have 2 for sure stops lined up and 1 potential stop. I'd like to get 2 more stops for them. We desperately need contributions for raffles and door prizes though, hopefully with our next mailing that will start rolling in.

This is exciting! And for under a week I think that we've achieved well. I will be updating this often and again ..... please check out the beautiful website my husband built at:
www.CrusadeforFaith.org

Some Mother's Earn God's Greatest Gift.

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, the instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son: patron saint, Matthew.
"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter, patron saint, Cecelia.
Rudledge, Carrie; twins; patron saint...give her Gerard. He's use to profanity."
Finally, he passes a name to give an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God.
"Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But has she patience?" the angel asks.
"I dont want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it.
"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But, Lord, I dont think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods, "If she cant separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, there is a woman who, I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word." She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it!
"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see -- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice -- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every day of her life because she is doing my work."

Fight for a Right

I've been in a world full of emotions since Thursday.

It started with speaking to Social Security to try and get Faith approved for benefits, hey it probably won't be a lot but Faith deserves it as much as the next person receiving it. Later that afternoon I attended, yet another, IEP meeting for Faith at school. This should be a meeting where the parents get to advise the school what their special needs child requires to succeed. However year after year it's been them telling us what they feel Faith needs and not even listening to us. I mean, who are we? Just her parents.

This was one meeting where I thought would be different. I had an advocate and Faith's social worker there with me and the advocate had advised me that this would be one of the shortest meetings that I had ever been to. Typically we're looking at a 2-3 hour process with the arguing and bickering back and forth between the board member and us. Since she advised me that it should only be a 30-minute meeting, I left work to attend and advised them that I wouldn't be gone long and went on my happy way thinking that we would absolutely blow them out of the water by refusing to sign the IEP documents.

So I sat there quietly, well I say quiet because before I spent most of the meeting arguing and fussing about what was put in Faith's IEP. I think they knew there would be a bomb at the end. Well, needless to say when I refused to sign all hell broke loose. I had the principal on one side of me yelling and my advocate on the other side yelling back at him. I sat there, not knowing what to say anymore. Why weren't they hearing me? Why has it been year after year that they feel they know what's best for my daughter? I started crying. Once everyone stopped yelling and realized that I was sitting there with my face in my hands crying, the room cleared out pretty quickly. I was crying for Faith and how I felt as her mother that she is not getting the attention for her to succeed to her fullest potential and how I felt like I had no other choice. Maybe it was time for me to throw my hands up in the air and allow them to claim their victory. I tried to go back to work but couldn't hold back my tears so my supervisor sent me home.

My husband, as usual, was very sympathetic and encouraging but because my self-esteem and hope had been trampled on a few hours before everything was running in circles in my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about it all and finally crashed on the couch at 6pm. I awoke a bit before 9pm and then ended going back to bed around 11pm. Before going to bed my husband had showed me a letter that he had written to the principal. Please allow me to share:

Mr. Gorrell,

Tonight, my wife came home in tears. She said that one day, she hoped to hear her little girl say "mommy". It remains her hope, and my express belief, that with the proper care and therapy, Faith Smith will one day say that little word.

Your "mission statement" would have me believe that the mission of Nutter Fort Elementary School is to "provide a child centered environment that will allow all students to become successful." The margin of success depends upon the individual. And for Faith, that might be as simple as one little word. It further offers that the stated goal is to "create a learning situation in which each child is encouraged to progress continuously in the mastery of processes according to her or his own needs and capabilities." The mission statement and it's purported "goals" all suggest creating an environment, and providing the resources for children, regardless of their abilities, to grow. Unfortunately, your mission statement and it's goals, as regards this child, remain precisely that. A suggestion.

I might be so bold as to suggest, sir, that you are failing this child.

I understand that you served in the military, as have I. As someone having had the privilege of having served, and knowing what it means to "serve", you, sir, should be ashamed of your behavior. This child has no voice. You are that voice. You did not raise that voice in support of my stepdaughter at yesterdays meeting. You raised that voice at my wife. You do not talk down to the mother of a special needs child. She does not need, nor want, a lecture from an individual so far removed from her situation. You sir, do not have the perspective to "educate" my wife on the needs of her child. Your job, put plainly, is to serve. To provide an environment in which their growth, personally, as well as academically, may be fostered. Regardless of the needs of the child. We entrust our children to your care. We trust that you will champion them.

Three years ago, you stood with my wife in her long suffering struggle to see that Faith is provided with the care that she requires. Yesterday, you belittled her. I neither understand, nor care, why you have withdrawn your support. It is immaterial to the matter at hand. This is not about you. It is not even about my wife. It is about a little girl getting the care she requires. And it remains your job, not your purview, to do everything in your power to see that she does. It remains attendant to your duty sir, to fight for these children. You are a public servant.

I have, until now, allowed my wife and her ex-husband to fight this battle alone. No longer. I am now engaged, and will make it my priority in the days, weeks, and years to come to champion the cause which you have laid down. There are other Faith Smiths. Many more, if I am to judge by the way your school, and this Board of Education, have treated my stepdaughter. It is unjust, sir, and I intend to raise my voice, since they cannot.

It is incumbent upon you to answer to the parents of these children. Not talk down to them. Yesterday, you did a disservice to the school, the parents, and the children you serve. In this final year of your tenure, you will have the opportunity to leave this post knowing that you did the right thing for this little girl. If you have any sense of honor, I might suggest you seize upon that opportunity.

This fight is not over. Far from it.

Sincerely,

Joel Bailey

I was a bit shocked that he had taken this measure and of course touched that he had stood up, not only for me, but for Faith. He had mentioned about making a website for Faith to draw attention to her situation as there are more than likely other parents whom struggle just as we do. He's such a wonderful husband.

Friday I had emailed a very good friend, Cacie, and told her about the meeting. She came up with the idea that we start a fund raiser event for Faith and her situation. Not only to raise money for the cause, but also to raise awareness and attention to the matter. We've been kicking around several ideas and she thought of doing a Poker Run. We have come up with the name "Ride for Faith" and are starting to work on getting sponsor support. It's just in the beginnings but could turn into something pretty big.

As my husband said, it's time that people take a stand for these children who cannot voice for themselves.

The website is up, but more things will be added as the days, weeks, and months go on. The web address, if you'd like to visit, is: www.crusadeforfaith.org

Also Faith has her own blog that I will now be regularly updating, that address is: sweetfaith98.blogspot.com

It's a start and hopefully something that will open a few local eyes. I'll definitely keep you all updated on this as things unfold.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER
- by Erma Bombeck
(Written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

Roller Coaster Week

So much has happened over the course of this week, it seems like the week has been a year.

Monday my husband got the boot. Not fired, however his company could "no longer afford him" and eliminated his position. Yup, just like that. Went to work that morning and came home that afternoon unemployed. No severance, no warning, and it seemed no sympathy. So, the owner doesn't know how to run a business (my opinion, not my husbands) - "I'm sorry Joel, it has nothing to do with your job performance or anything however my company is in a bad way right now and I had to borrow to make payroll last week". Oh geez buddy, thanks a lot. Sympathy goes out to you, since it's YOUR fault your digging your hole. In the meantime, is sorry gonna pay our bills? I was livid. I was scared. I was sad for my husband. He's the type of person that automatically thinks when something like this happens, that he's not good enough. Well, he was too good for that company anyways. That's a fact, not my opinion. Now, I'm not putting down his co-workers at all, in fact I feel sorry for them for having to stay employed at a place that could crash at a moments notice.

I'll get off my high horse... for now anyways.

To make a long story short. My husband goes to the unemployment office the next day and finds out he is eligible for benefits. Well, if that's what you would call them. $154 a week doesn't even come close to what he was making, but something was better than nothing. That was a bit of a relief. And remember the car accident? Well, got a call from the lady's insurance company and they totaled our car. I guess if at any time it's good that your car gets totaled, it's when one of you loose your job. So we were thankful for that, of course a clump of money only lasts so long to pay bills and such. But it was a relief. In the meantime, they are paying for a rental vehicle until May 17th.

My husband hit the pavement job searching. Made some contacts and sent some emails. It's really hard to find a job in his field around here (computers) but somehow he hit the right spot. He starts a new job on Tuesday. Not nearly what he was making at the old job, but definitely more than what his unemployment would have been. Besides, there's more opportunity for him to advance and grow. I'm excited for him and I'm so shocked at the turn around time.... don't know very many folks that can say they were only unemployed less than a week. But my honey is a go-getter and he went and got. Yay honey. Of course he's going to keep the door open for other options, but the biggest challenge has been met.

Like I said.... the roller coaster started on the down and moved up pretty quickly. So quick I didn't get motion sickness!

Appreciation

Sunday. I love Sundays. Just a time to rest and relax and be with your family and a good way to prepare for your work week.

It's around 2:30pm and the house is a bit quiet. I hear the dishwasher and dryer running, Faith is in the Living Room watching her man (Elmo) and my husband took off for an afternoon with the father in law (my dad) to site in the gun he got last week. Not something I had ever anticipated on happening, but he seemed to be a bit excited about it all. He never goes out and even though today isn't like a night at the bar with buddies, I think it's good that he gets some time for him. I miss him though, it's strange but I do. I mean he's only been gone a couple of hours and to be honest... I'm a bit bored. Nobody to talk to and Faith isn't interested in playing with Mommy... she'd much rather be watching Elmo and I can only take so much of the "La la" song so I'm back here in the computer room just killing time.

Another strange thing is what's going through my mind as the house is quiet. I couldn't imagine living like this, alone without him. Then of course my mind drifts into panic... what if something happens to him while he's out and about. He's in a wreck, the gun backfires and he gets hurt... I'm wacked like that. I just can't wait to have him home again and know that he's safe

Even though it's only been a few hours of a quiet house, my heart appreciates him more right now. Guess it just takes a few hours of being alone to make me realize just how much I have to loose and how my life were to change if anything were to happen to him. I literally would not be able to live without him.....

Ya know when you get up and you're on your way to work innocently and get side-swiped not even 10 blocks from your house.... you should have stayed in bed. Unbelievable, eh? Yeah that isn't even the kicker. The girl slams into the side of my car rips the mirror off and KEEPS DRIVING!!!! I had to chase her 8 blocks before she even pulled over. In the meantime, I'm on my cell phone with the 911 operator yelling that some idiot just side-swiped me and kept driving that I was behind her and she wouldn't pull over. I was laying on the horn and giving the operator her license plate number. Finally she decides to pull over and get out. I'm still on the phone with 911 and the first thing I said to her was "What are you an idiot?? Why the HELL would you hit me and then keep going???" The operator told me to calm down that she understood that I was upset but didn't want a fight to start and that the cop was on his way. Her reaction? Calmly said "Oh I'm so sorry for hitting you." I swear to you this girl was unbelievably calm. I thought she was either high or drunk, mind you it's before 8:30am. Young, she was very very young. After the cop arrived I found out that she wasn't drunk but that he had spoke to her mother and the girl had a "medical condition" (no elaboration) and that she was 17 yrs old. The reason for her not stopping after she hit me? She was scared and wanted to drive home to see if her mom was home. I was so shook up but quickly calmed down after my husband arrived and the cop acknowledged it being her fault.

So Joel and I are standing there and I see some type of fluid leaking under where the drivers door is (this is where the impact occured). I thought it was gas but Joel smelled it and said it wasn't gas but thought perhaps that it was brake fluid. The cop came back and smelled it too and said that it was brake fluid and the car would have to be towed because it was leaking so badly. I don't even know at this point whether or not the damage to the vehicle is less than the vehicle is worth. I mean this was our older vehicle (thank God for that) and it is paid off, but it's a '99 and has a lot of miles. I would say if the damage is any more than $3000 they'll end up totaling the car. That sucks though, because it was paid for and where else we gonna find a vehicle (reliable) for $3000??

This morning we were able to pick up a rental which will get us around until her insurance company (thank God she was living with Mommy and Mommy was forking out for insurance) can do an estimate on the damage.

So, needless to say yesterday just "went". I don't even remember anything specifically about what I did at work as my mind was off track for the rest of the day. I hate that.

Anyways, even though these pictures don't show much.... here's our little cop and our banged up car. I've always hated that car, but now that it's hurt.... I dunno I'm kinda sad :(

:YAWN:

I'm so tired tonight. I've been yawning since early this afternoon. It's now 11:14pm and I swear I could have went to bed at 7pm! What I'm still doing up is beyond me. I know... .my husband. Ya see I've gotten to a point where if he's not there for me to rest my hand on his shoulder, I'm not able to fall asleep. Argh. Awwww. I dunno which it should be at this point. I can tell you this, I'm fixin to crash soon and crash hard. Thank God tomorrow is Friday!

He's so sweet though as he's giving his mother technical support on how to fix a computer issue/work issue she's having. Since she's in CA and we're in WV that 3 hour time difference is tough. There it's only 8:15 right now, so that poor lady pretty much has been on the phone since she got home from work. But I think it's real cool to listen to them chit chat back and forth. Not that I'm being nosey and listening (nor do I understand a word he's saying), but since our computers are in one room it's a given that I hear. I should have made the most of my evening and did laundry and loaded up the dishwasher, but that of course would involve movement. I can barely blink my eyes, let alone do "manual" labor. I don't even want to think about the laundry. Now, let's just set the story straight here. I don't have a problem seperating, washing, drying, even folding.... it's the "putting away" part I just hate. Well there's only so many times you can throw clean clothes from one side of the room to another before they start to get a bit wrinkled. So needless to say most of our clean clothes are wrinkly. Maybe that'll be a goal to accomplish this weekend... but right now it's making me weaker by the moment just thinking about it.

My eye is really bothering me. It's puffy and kind of itching. There was a case of "Pink Eye" going around at work.... it's been so long since I've had "Pink Eye" that I can't even remember the symptoms. Hmmm.... maybe that's a way to waste another 15 or so minutes. I'mma go look.

Goodnight fellow bloggers :O

From the cats....very cute!

By the way...

I HATE that Blogger has changed their home page. Remember they used to have 3 blog names scrolling at once? Now there's only one and it scrolls so fast you barely have time to read it, let alone click on it. This was the method I used to find most of the awesome blogs I visit daily... ARGH!!!! I went to their site to file a complaint but saw nothing with the word "CONTACT".

Anyone have any ideas how to email them a bitch blurb?

Thursday - day after "Hump Day", day before TGIF

Well, I'm back to a normal sleep pattern. Not sure what "moment" that was but boy am I glad it's over with! Funny thing is I was more sleepy the day after my marathon awakening then I was that day. Strange.

Now that I'm sleeping normally, I've been able to enjoy the past few evenings with my husband. We've watched movies the last 2 nights, of course it had to be before American Idol (which I'll elaborate on a bit more later). Tuesday night we watched "Codename: Cleaner" with Cedric the Entertainer. Cute movie. Had a few laugh out loud moments. Last night we watched "Buying the Cow", that on the other hand is HILARIOUS! I laugh every time I see it. Actually we bought that one, couldn't even find it to rent but that's ok. It was definitly a buy movie, one that you can watch over and over again.

Work has been, well work. I'm just glad I'm in the office behind closed doors and not out on the floor. We've had a shortage of nurses for some time now, not sure what's going on there but hope that it soon changes. Overworked people are stressed and stressed people are grouchy, especially if you're the one that does their check. That'd be me. Every time I hear the door swing open and see a white coat, I cringe. So far (knock on wood), this paycheck has proven to have no major issues. I love it when that happens. I guess what they say is true... everyone likes payday except for the payroll person.

I spent 2 precious hours away from my husband last night watching American Idol (simply because he refuses to watch it with me, actually I think he'd rather dance on glass) and for the first time I was so ready for it to be OVER!! I only tune in mainly to hear them sing and to see who is gonna get the boot. Two, yes 2, looooong hours I sat there and waited to find out that they weren't giving anyone the boot. I was so pissed. Now next week will make up for it as they will give 2 the boot, however I'm still recovering from the pain of last night. Ugh. I mean I had to listen to Earth, Wind, and Fire sing.... if that isn't torture enough, what else? Oh yes... that would be Celine Dion singing with Elvis. Oh brother. Besides every time they showed those kids I'd cry. Now there's just all kinds of wrong about that. I would blame it on hormones, but ya know.

Now I don't typically pay back, per say, but I'll take this oppurtunity to do so. My husband took the oppurtunity not long ago to blog about my actions upon having a bowel movement (I open the bathroom window when I poop, now what's so bad about that eh?). So let me take this oppurtunity to share a few little secrets about my wonderful husband. First, let's cover the proven fact that this man is the most amazing man in the world - however - he does blow some stinky air. Secondly my husband has a "foot fork". That's right ladies and gents, he has claimed a kitchen fork (one you eat with) as a foot scratcher. God forbid if that fork ever get mixed up with one of the ones in the kitchen drawer. Ewww. Actually I've stomped my foot and counted to three (Oh Brother Where Art Thou) and told him it's the woman law that he keeps this "foot fork" at his desk at all times. No exceptions. So far he's abided by this law. Hmmmm, now that I've told these things it looks as though he may have still won out on me by sharing my poop practice. Ah well... it was fun while it lasted.

I love you honey, don't forget that :)

Sleep

Typically I have no problems with sleep. Last night was a different story. We went to bed around midnight (our usual time) and I was so awake. I mean "energy awake". I laid there and kept Joel awake chatting until all I heard was an "Uh". Poor thing. He has this problem a lot and here's a night when he could have just crashed when his head hits the pillow and here's his wife yapping up a storm. So I got up. I got on the computer and browsed blogs a bit (my past time when there's nothing really interesting to look for online, besides what can you possibly find interesting at 2am?). After reading up on some of my favorite blogs and checking email, I decided to play an online game. Well I downloaded a trial version of probably one of the dumbest games I've ever seen. But it's like I couldn't stop playing. Finally when the game said I was doing so great and yet I had no clue what the hell I was doing, I shut it down. I went in on the couch and covered up waiting to get sleepy. At some point I thought "Ok, I can do this now", and off to bed I went (note: it's now 3:30 am). I tried to sneak quietly, but that's another thing I don't do well; besides which, the floor is too squeaky. Joel flopped over and I was just hoping that I wouldn't wake him up. I laid there, eyes wide open and wondering why I couldn't just sleep. I wanted to, I really really needed to; nothing. Then to top it all off, I went on this coughing spree. Cough, roll over, cough, uncover, cough, cover up. At this point, I was pissed. I didn't want to wake up my husband, normally he's the one that has a tough time getting to sleep so I laid there and waited for the moment for him to move, roll over... something... so I could slip out of bed and get up and, I don't know... do something other than just lay there with my eyes wide open. He didn't budge. Not a bit. So I waited, looking at the clock (now 4:48am). I guess at some point I was able to dose off while I waited for him to move. Next thing I knew, the alarm is sounding my wake-up call at 6:30am. Now, I'm surprised that I just didn't roll over and hit the snooze or better yet, throw the damn thing across the room. This told me that I had never even really been asleep. So, I got up. Went in the kitchen to let out the mutt, fed her, made coffee and proceeded to wake up my loved ones (being Joel and Faith). So I go in on the couch and sit there, looking at the clock wondering how it is that I'm going to make it through my work day on 1 1/2 hrs of sleep. Not only that, but knowing in my mind that there won't be a nap afterwards since I'll have Faith's caseworker here and then have Faith to contend with for the rest of the evening. So I call in. Of course I sound half dead beings that I only got an 1 1/2 sleep and actually wasn't feeling well on top of it all, more than likely because I got no sleep. I felt bad, guilty even for even calling in. But really... what good would I do them anyways? They gonna pay me to sit there and be a zombie for 8 hours? I hated it even more to know that my husband goes through this all the time. Guilt for that too, not understanding how he could just call in and stay in bed. This is the kicker though.... it's now 10:18am and do you believe that I still can't get to sleep. It's official, I've now been up 24 hrs. I've done it before, but today it's getting on my nerves. No reason, no explanation... just can't sleep.

Ok, now I know I'm delusional...... I've just blogged an entire section on sleep. Time to try this again, I guess.

Summer Time

I have a vision.

The outside of the house needs color. Now I'm not the green-thumb kinda girl, but these I think I can do. Seen a commercial on TV of these flowers that you just roll out and boom.. they grow. No planting, no digging, no dirty fingers.... roll and water then you have color. I love anything that effortless.

Today we went out and cleaned up the front of the outside a bit. We don't have much of a yard, but what we do have needed trimmed and cleaned up. It's starting to look nice already. The landlord is coming next week to pressure wash the front of the house and then we're going to pick up some new porch furniture. I'm gonna try my hand at these roll flowers and then we're going to get some grass seed where the dog has somehow made the grass disappear. I get excited this time of year. Love being outdoors with the sun. It's not too hot and not too cold, but I fear that maybe Joel's love of this time of the year isn't quite as shared. He came out and helped clean out the front, actually he had the worse part... picking up the dog poop. It's actually cute though, he gets on his blue gloves and is just a good lil pooper picker-upper. I'm hoping that after he reads this he won't appoint that my new job duty. It won't happen, I can't even stand to look at the stuff. The only poop I can do is baby poop, and that's only if it's my baby.

So we're off to WalMart some time today, maybe tomorrow, to pick up some stuff to get this venture started. Summer Time rocks!

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH night

I'm bored and cannot wait for bed.... too much Spongebob can do that to a person. No interaction with anyone over the age of 8 yrs old.... maybe I'll just call it a night now.

Backstabbing &#@^$

Work today was horrible.


Started off well. I had an agenda and my goal was to get everything done. Around 10am my Supervisor asked to talk to me about a few things. Immediately I start thinking if there had been something I had said to make this happen. Couldn't think of a thing.



So she tells me that there are a few things that I will be assisting Human Resource to complete. I was fine with that, even smiled a bit thinking that it was a good thing. Then she hit me with the fact of someone going to the Administrator about personal email.



To make a long story short: The new HR Director (not there even 2 months yet) had been having an absolute horrible day at work on Friday (Friday before Easter weekend). I told her it would get better and decided to send her off an E-Card for a "picker upper", ya know just to make her smile. I had realized since I signed up for the E-Card service under my personal email I should probably tell her that she would be getting an email and may not recognize the addy. So when confronted, I recalled this incident. Now granted, I do access my hotmail from work between work tasks but it's not like I sit and send emails all day long. Anyways, I felt horrible. I knew I was in the wrong and shouldn't have done it on company time. I forwarded an email to the Administrator apologizing for my behavior. I thought that the HR Director more than likely had mentioned to someone the E-Card I sent to cheer her up and that person went to the Administrator voicing that I must have too much free time on my hands. Like it takes more than 2 minutes to forward an E-Card.



I was alright with the confrontation as I knew that I was in the wrong; actually felt like a complete ass. However towards the end of the day the HR Director came over to fax something. I had a magazine laying on my desk and mentioned to her that I'd be putting in an order and told her if she wanted to look through it and wanted something I would include her order. She barked at me that I was soliciting and that it wasn't allowed. Argh! I don't get squat for putting in the order, just was trying to be nice. So much for that.



Maybe it was her that ran her mouth. From now on I'll work to work, no personal business at all or any type of conversation other than work. Think they'll get the picture then? I'm still pissed about it.